some old stuff

so i was looking through my old work the other day--documents and stuff, and it's really weird and you might not even believe me about this even... but when i write something, i am just really thinking on paper for the most part. i don't process a whole lot.

so it isn't until i revisit that document that i actually take it in. so it's kinda crazy to go back and read my old stuff because i honestly don't ever really remember that much about it. i guess that's when i'm able to understand it. so i found some stuff that i thought was decent, and so i decided to put it up on here for fun.

January 5, 2003 2:30 PM
On a Plane from LA to Chicago


Everyone has a story. I guess that’s something you always hear about, how everybody has their own story, but I am actually realizing it right now. Sitting on a full plane going from Los Angeles to Chicago I started to wonder where people around me were headed. It’s something that I could think about forever, I think, and still find it interesting. My story is that I am going back to Chicago, my home, returning from seeing my parent’s new home in Los Angeles, after sharing some amazing moments underneath the California sun, celebrating a New Year with a good friend, possibly making a few really bad mistakes, possibly making none at all. So that’s my story. So what is everyone else’s? This past week was my journey, my escape. Maybe people are on their way to Chicago for that same reason right now. Their journey is only beginning, and mine has just come to an end. It’s interesting--people coming and going, reuniting, saying goodbye—everyone is on their own adventure.

Many people on this plane are probably full of anticipation, the same kind of anticipation I had when I boarded my flight last Saturday in Chicago—you know, people who are about to fly back home for the first time in a week, or people on their way to see someone they haven’t seen in a very long time. And I’m sure there’s a lot of very sad people on this flight too—people who just had to leave their family to return to our busy routine lives of work and responsibility, people who had to leave their boyfriend/girlfriend so that they could go back to school or work, people who just weren’t ready for this holiday season to end. And isn’t it amazing how we balance that all? A vacation, to anywhere, requires reverse emotions. Anticipation at one end of the vacation, and then at the other, a sense of loss to an extent. It’s hard to walk away from anything that you aren’t ready to leave. And in a way, that’s what vacations are all about—Saying hello, and then saying goodbye.

Looking down on the coastline of California as we took off, I thought to myself, god, it is going to be really weird to get off this plane and not have anywhere to go home to. This is the first time I’ve had to do this, be a guest in my hometown. It’s finally hitting me that this is very real. My parents are there, in LA, and I will be across the country.

And you know, it’s funny, how much I tortured myself there for a few days. I was bored, and upset, and well, I guess even lonely, but then one day, I just pack a suitcase, board a plane, and leave it all behind me. And that’s possible. And then, tomorrow, I will return to my busy, abundant life at school, and I won’t have time to think about anything I’ve been overanalyzing for the past five days. It just goes away.

So all in all, looking back on this past week’s journey, I would say it was a good one. I had a lot of time, whether I liked it or not, to sort things out. And maybe that is just what I needed. I realize now that people make mistakes, and even if it seems like a lot more than that at the time, life always goes on, and whether you’re ready for it or not, you’ve got to go on with it. Everything in life is relative. Something that may seem like the end of the world to me right now could quite possibly be something immature and stupid in a few years. It’s all relative to my experience, and my encounters. So for now I’m going to leave the bad parts of this past week behind me, and maybe someday they’ll catch up with me, but until then, I’ve got to keep going with everything else, because no one is going to stop the traffic and wait for me to get over it.

And so, that is my story.