Monday, June 21, 2010

appreciating great dad's

saturday, scott and i arrived at my parents house to celebrate my grandpa's birthday, father's day, and my parents anniversary.

i gave my dad a card that truly fit. the line i liked the best, that i found to be perfect for this point in my life... was one about "even when someone else comes along, you are still in many ways, the number one man in my life." i thought it was fitting. scott is the best, but no one can replace a dad.

anyway, my dad, a few drinks deep started to talk to scott and i about his dad. i could tell it was hard for him to talk about. his dad died when i was about 5 years old. unfortunately, i never knew him too well and i always feel sad about that. at the time, we lived in texas so i wasn't really around much and my memories of him are quite scarce. however, his story lives on through my dad. immediately when my dad talks about his dad, he tells me, and other people "you would have liked him, everyone liked him." i can't help but to picture him just like my own dad.

anyway, i asked him if fathers day is hard once your dad is gone. and he said, every day is hard. he told me that it's especially when he's feeling down, like right now being out of work, that he feels like he wishes he could just have a conversation with his dad. it makes me tear up to even write this, but i want to remember it forever.

he said "he always had a way of calming me down and making me realize it's not that bad." and i said "well you do that for me too, so maybe you picked that up from him."

it's the truth.

i said "dad, i can't imagine. i really can't imagine a time in my life, though i know it will probably come, that i can't pick up the phone and call you guys. i just can not imagine that time at all."
and he goes, and this still makes me tear up to even think about it...

"Amy, i felt the same way about my dad. i thought he'd live forever."

i really can't even replay that in my head without crying. partially because i feel so sad for him that he can't talk to his dad when he's sad, and partially because i feel the exact same way. i know that it's not true, but i really do, in some ways think, my mom and dad will be around forever. i guess it's the only way to think though. you can't dwell on the negative. it's still hard to picture life without my parents around. i can't really do it.

a bit later in the night my dad brought scott and i to the basement. he told us he wanted us to hear something. he played a chet atkins song, called "i still can't say goodbye" and tears formed in his eyes as he listened. my dad's really quite a strong man. i think i've seen him cry 3 times, maybe ever, but this song was so touching and i can understand his relation. the lyrics are below but before you read them, you should know about a story. my dad used to climb on the shelves in his dad's closet and try on his clothes... to try to look like him when he was younger. so those words especially rang true for him. anyway, here are the words to a very touching song:

When I was young, my Dad would say
Come on Son let's go out and play
Sometimes it seems like yesterday

And I'd climb up the closet shelf
When I was all by myself
grab his hat and fix the brim
pretending I was him

No matter how hard I try
No matter how many tears I cry
no matter how many years go by
I still can't say goodbye.

He always took care of mom and me
We all cut down a Christmas tree
He always had some time for me

Wind blows through the trees,
Street lights, they still shine bright
Most things are the same
but I miss my Dad tonight.

I walked by a Salvation Army store
Saw a hat like my daddy wore
Tried it on when I walked in
Still trying to be like him

No matter how hard I try
No matter how many years go by
No matter how many tears I cry
I still can't say goodbye.

-Chet Atkins

of course, watching my dad tear up made me tear up. i just saw how much he missed his dad. my dad very rarely shows weakness, in fact, he always seems very unaffected by life. i know that isn't the truth, but he's not a negative guy and would never complain or let someone know that something is really getting him down. so, it's rare i see him vulnerable. and that was part of it. and part of it was, standing next to my dad, on fathers day, appreciating him and realizing how short life is, and how important it is to remember moments like this one forever. i'm sure it's not easy to lose a parent, but we are so fortunate to have memories. and i never want to forget this one. it was a brief moment, but a powerful one. i'll never forget it.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

39 years

my parents anniversary is this Saturday. June 19.

i got them a card that brought me to tears, partially because it's actually perfect wording in my opinion, but partially because it rang so true.

i'm happy to have been raised in such love and i'm happy that i learned love from two great examples. my parents are truly still best friends. it's amazing. not only have they been married 39 years, they've been dating far longer than that. i think it would be something like 46 years if we did the math. it's not that they're perfect or never have disagreements, it's just that they know how to handle them. i have yet to see anything negative in their relationship, and i'm so glad i grew up seeing such love. i know i am lucky for it and i hope to stay as happy as they do in my life. it's quite an accomplishment, and builds quite a family.

i wanted to keep the words of the card before i seal the envelope. i really like the words.

"Mom and Dad,

The story of our family
is made up of many things--
from silly jokes
to good-night kisses,
from nicknames
to summer vacations,
from hard good-byes
to the most joyous homecomings.

The story of our family
is made up of love
and time
and memory...
all the things
that really matter.

And at the heart
of our story
will always be
the two of you.

Happy Anniversary"

aw, that last paragraph makes me tear up every time. it's the perfect card for them.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

1 year 2 months later

I think it's a little unaligned on the site. Click the video for the best results.

Love you Scott. :)