well i guess this is growing up

i've been dreading it like you wouldn't believe... but today i gave in.
i started looking for jobs, writing cover letters, fixing up my resume, getting stuff out

it's exciting, it's depressing, it's a lot of things. but i know that it has to be done. it's crazy how fast it happens that your childhood is sort of yanked from underneath you and you are just pushed out the door and told, in not so many words, to grow up.

the end of college seems closer every day, and growing with it is the reality of the statement "I have to get a job." and the thing is, i'm really excited to work and make money, pay off things i need to pay off, get my own awesome place... i am just not excited about the search process involved in all of that.

the way i see itit's a whole lot of rejection, a whole lot of effort, and a whole lot of trying to make yourself sound unbelievable... on paper. and then even when you get the job, you've got to do that whole "proving yourself" process over again, only this time in person. it stresses me out to think about all of that.

what it comes down to though is that i know i have to move home and i've accepted that, but i don't want to be there a long time. i don't want to be inactive, acting like i'm going back to school in a few months, hoping a job just lands itself in my mailbox. i know that isn't going to happen.

and now comes that whole balance thing--spending my last six weeks of college trying to get a job, yet also realizing these weeks are, without a doubt, my last opportunity to actually be a kid. to live it up, to have no responsibilities, to have a ton of fun and leave this place with a bang... and so where does priority come in? i guess that's my choice.

either way, i'm going to end with ben folds

everybody knows it sucks to grow up
but everybody does
it's so weird to be back here
the years go on and
we're still fighting it