this is something i've been thinking about, from time to time, for awhile, but i guess the reason i haven't approached it as far as writing about it is because i really can't find a conclusion... and so i'm going to give explaining it a try.
i don't know what it is about me but there are times i just feel really removed from things. it's not like i feel like i shouldn't be here or anything like that, but it's like i have two really strong feelings and they are polar opposites. one is that i'm social, loving and enjoying life, hanging out with friends, having fun... the other is that i sort of feel removed from all of that. and it's not that i think the first part doesn't exist, i still realize and like where i stand in peoples lives, but it's like i'm watching it all happen from somewhere else rather than actually being there, being involved.
and i can't figure it out.
and the weirdest part about it all is that i don't think i was always that way. so i don't know where it came from.
kind of weird, i know. believe me i know.
but on a side note from that, on my way home from class today i realized that my favorite part of the day is this five minute period of time when i'm walking home from class--and there's two blocks prior to this were you see people you know, walk past fraternities, walk past strangers--but then you cross a busy street and for about two blocks or so until my apartment i am in absolute solitude. i see a few people, maybe, but most of the time i am just thinking about things and looking around me, and it sounds stupid but it really is my favorite part of the day. it puts me in a great mood to have those five minutes of peace.
even if it is just five minutes.
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