some more old stuff

you know awhile back i posted some old stuff. well, i have this document on my computer, password protected from the time i spent in california. time where i literally did nothing, but think, and write. and so rather than just have it sit there password protected forever, i thought i'd put some up here once in awhile... so here's some more.

"I never thought of myself as someone who needs people. I mean, everyone needs people, but I’ve always been the one who could go to the mall alone, and not need anyone to come with me. Well, all of the sudden I’m realizing that’s because I’ve had the choice. If I wanted someone to go, I could have asked them, I just CHOSE to go alone. The difference with the situation I’m in now is that I have absolutely no one to ask to go with me, anywhere. I can’t explore this city alone, and while the world awaits me outside the door of this townhouse, I have absolutely no one to share the adventure with, which makes it no fun at all. So I’ve realized I’m dependent on always having someone, whether I choose to bring them or not, at least I could have. And I guess that’s normal, but I find it disappointing. I feel like I should be able to do anything alone and I shouldn’t always “need someone” but hey, I guess I can’t help it much.

It’s light outside, and I’m up until almost 6 am with utterly no purpose. I mean none. If my parents came in here right now and said “Amy why are you up so late?” I would have no idea what to say.
So goodnight, no point in wasting the day tomorrow—not that I’ll do anything, probably wont even leave the house—but still, each day is a gift—receive it with eagerness. " -August 2003