let things happen

in the wise words of ben harper, "it's so hard to do and so easy to say. but sometimes, sometimes, you just have to walk away." easy to love those lines. respect the meaning. easy to do just the opposite.

i don't know. today i realized that i have an obsession with not losing touch with people. i mean an obsession. it scares me. since the 8th grade, it has scared me. seems like a good thing right? and it is. i mean it really is because i have good friends that i've been fortunate enough to stay in touch with for a long time. but what happens if and when it's time to let go?

and i think we always know this time. we can feel it coming. but instead of looking forward, moving on, we cling to the past, and convince ourselves awkwardly that, nothing has changed.
we live through old songs, pictures, moments, beat up cars and ticket stubs. and we make these things timeless.

but meanwhile, days are going by.

is it possible that i believe in two things that completely contradict each other? one being to let fate take it's course... to let things happen. to avoid being aggressive. to "go with the flow." the other being to do everything within my willpower to keep people in my life.

it's weird because sometimes people come back to you. that's been my experience. the same few people i won't see for three, four years, will show up into my life out of absolutely nowhere and take an immedate, important role. i remember kara's letter to me senior year in high school and it said "i know if i don't talk to you for ten years i could call you and say come over." and she put it perfectly. some peoples bond together is just that way. others get lost somewhere along the way. so does it work to do more than your part to hang on? or should you just let go?

this whole thing would be easier if some sort of closure was always involved, but the thing is, closure is never involved in these situations. always this ongoing process of losing touch, caring less, but there's never any "you know what, this is it, thanks for all the good years." and while i understand why not, i think it would help.