Saturday, August 22, 2009

summer 09

i haven't written anything in a really long time. that isn't to say i haven't thought about it now and then, but things have been busy and life has been well so i haven't been thinking too hard.

i've had the best summer. it has seriously been the perfect summer. i want to explain it and describe it, but i'm afraid i won't be able to do it justice. i've gone to some great concerts, spent some wonderful weekends in Michigan with Scott and sometimes with his family. i've worked less, worried less, and took more time to enjoy my friends, my family, my great boyfriend, and the awesome city of Chicago.

looking back on this summer of course, it went way too fast.

i'm grateful every single day, multiple times per day that i know scott. i know it might sound cliche, or corny, or whatever you want to call it... but i find it hard to believe that there was a time in my life when i didn't know him. it doesn't seem possible. i'm so lucky that i've found someone like him who is truly my best friend. we have so much fun together... but he's also my rock.
and on my worst day, and my best day - he's the person i want to tell about it because i know he will either make me feel better on the bad days, or celebrate with me on the good days. i'm so incredibly lucky to have found someone like him. it's weird to think about life before all of this: i mean, i know i was happy and i know i had a life, but it just seems weird to remember that he wasn't a part of it. i can't imagine a day without him now and i couldn't be happier than when i am with him.

in not so exciting news, things have been hard for me lately with the whole job search thing. i graduated about three months ago, and i have been looking and applying since a little before graduation. i've gone on some interviews, had several phone interviews, and i am sending my resume out every day. it's so tough right now. i know that i need to not take it personally when things don't work out, but i guess being the sensitive natured person that i am, i can't help but take it personally. there are days where i'm constantly asking myself - what is wrong with me? i'm educated, motivated, and personable and i just can't seem to find anything. that being said, i know it takes time. and i know i'll find something... but it's been pretty hard for me to stay level headed. i know that i have to remember that i'm doing my best, and realize that any job that doesn't come through isn't a good fit. and that there is a lot of competition out there... and most importantly, that it's not a personal attack. these companies are interviewing who knows how many people - it's pretty tough to stick out right now. i swear, finding a job is the most trying, unrewarding process in the entire world. it takes so much time, energy, dedication, and the payoff takes a long time. but, there will be a payoff, and patience is key. sometimes i'm not as good at being patient as i would like to be.

the other day i was having one of those days... where i'm kind of focusing on everything negative in my life. i know better than to do that most of the time, but i think everyone has those days where it just seems like it won't stop. i'm thinking things like... i worked so hard in school, and i can't find a job. my car is broken. my apartment is too small. you know, everything i can possibly think of that is bad... and then, i get off the train at the paulina brown line stop, and i see a man searching through the garbage for something to eat. that was a big reality check for me. i couldn't help but feel guilty about the pity party i was having for myself for the 20 minutes prior to seeing him. i guess it's important to remember that it could always be worse. it's hard when you have expectations for yourself, but i can pretty much guarantee you i'll never be in that guy's situation in my entire life.

that shut me up pretty quick.

i'll be moving before october, so that's exciting. i'm pretty sure i'm going to move north, and definitely sure i am going to get a bigger place. my apartment has been good to me, but i think that my collection of "stuff" is outgrowing a studio apartment at this point. and well, i'm getting older. when i first moved downtown, this was plenty of space for me. now, it seems way too small. so, the move will be exciting. a new neighborhood,a new place, more room. i can't wait.

all in all, i have to say... life has been good.

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