forever young

a lot of times i stay up late at night thinking about things, and a lot of times i end up thinking about the way i am now compared to the way i was when i was young. now if my parents were to read this or, my aunts and uncles, of cousre, they would gasp at the fact that i just used the phrase when i was young and be quick to correct me saying You are STILL young! but, in all fairness and realitivity and the sequence of life, i don't feel young anymore.

and here's why

when i was young, friends were people that i cared about yes. but also, people to drink beers with on the weekends. the way i would have classified friends five years ago is much different than i classify friends now. and i have found that it is so remarkable who you keep contact with. and to me upon graduating college, this is sort of the end of the rope--there's really no more steps in the overall scheme of things so your list is sort of finalized. sort of. life always has a way of throwing curve balls.

but my list is a lot different than i would have ever predicted. and let me just note that i'm completely satisified with the final version.

when i was young a lot more things seemed serious that i now see as petty. there was always more fighting, always more drama, always more competition. and growing up you realize that, none of that matters. it's when these complications get involved and bigger and better things come along that youre able to look back upon your younger years and realize: wow, i wasted a lot of time and energy on things that absolutely never mattered.

when i was young i never really appreciated anything at all. i didn't know how to becuase i didn't realize that everything i had someone worked hard to give me. until i worked hard for myself.

when i was young i never thought i would be able to say that i have been friends with someone for ten years. for ten years. that made you old, when i was young.

when i was young a big purchase was a tank of gasoline, a movie ticket, chipping in on a case of beer. now a big purchase is a car, a percentage of your paycheck going toward retirement, medical insurance.

and so yes, 23, 23 is young to people in their fifties and i can grant them that comparison i suppose, but it's the transitional age where things stop being handed to you, you start to accept your life as your responsibility. you realize it will be what you make of it. and you look back on the years you have sort of floated through, in fondness and appreciation for the people that have made it possible for you to float through those years. and i really think it's the first time in your life (and i'm positive not the last) that you have a sincere appreciation for your past, and a clear, optimistic vision of your future. because from here on out, it's in your hands.