blank stages and old friends

as for the lapse in writing, i've been sort of a blank slate lately. combination of a few things: it's an awkward stage in my life and i'm sort of trying to figure it out, and i really have little human interaction these days--i've just been job searching and kind of socially punishing myself until i start working. few reasons. first is that i need money. and more than needing money, i have priorities to spend my money on. college is over, wild spending and parental support is going to be gone soon, and so i've gotta figure this out. that doesn't mean of course, i'm going to never have fun again, it just means i'm going to have it less--and put a lot more money toward things i actually need to (i.e. cars, bills, savings) than social activities.

but yeah, life since college has been---life. i've adjusted better than i thought i would. not sure why yet (one of those things i'm trying to figure out) but i have. i've picked up the next step pretty quickly, started interviewing right away, got a job offer today. so i'm happy. and i'm a little proud of myself too. it's a lot of pressure though--accepting a job offer. my mind is having this internal fight between needing money really bad and knowing that i want to love my job. it's a huge decision and the thing is, companies aren't that patient (at least in my experience so far) and don't allow you that much time to think about it. i'm kind of walking on thin ice for the next few days. i hope i make the right decision, and, i think that i will. i hope that i will.

ok switching gears for a second

kinda weird, i heard the term "old friends" today while i was in the car, i can't remember why, but i thought for a second and i'm like wow--i actually understand that term now. it's something you don't understand when you're sixteen of course, or even twenty, because, friends are still fresh then and life is pretty much full of stability and constance.

but now i find myself watching old videos, looking at old pictures, laughing at the way we used to be, losing track of time and for a matter of minutes being right back in those pictures and bringing them to life. and that is, as far as i know, what old friends do.

to me it's bittersweet. i mean, while you're happy for the life you had, for the time you had, you're sad that it's over. and you can feel like the sixteen year old thats in that picture drinking a beer with a microphone, but only for a minute or so. and then it's sad. sad because now you're 23 looking back at that person that you really aren't anymore. and sad, because, it's over. but happy again because it ended well and you're still in the company of good friends years later. success, happiness, and growth sums it up.

just a few thoughts since it's been awhile. next time i'll try to be a little bit more logical. fingers crossed i like my job. thanks.