sometimes i feel like the world is like amy--here's a test. i'm going to throw a lot of things at you at once and just watch how you handle it...
because i can't find any other explanation as to why all of these stupid things happen to me. and that they would happen at once.
so let me just say--when i feel threatened for whatever reason, i tend to run. and i'm okay with that because i think it's a lot better than being a bitch. it's not that i'm not opinionated or strong, because i am both of those things... i guess i just don't see any priority in making a big deal of things that in the long run, don't matter.
see i'm thinking about it in terms of my family--because my family has seen both worlds. my brother and i have been your typical teenage spoiled brats with a great dad with a great job, and we've both become your gratetful-for-everthing-we've-gotten-in-my-lives grown up kids with a great dad with no job.
i'm grateful for that because it makes me appreciative of things and it puts things in perspective. it makes me realize what matters.
and for a long time i didn't realize all of that and i regret it more than anything. i couldn't tell you the amount of times that i made things trivial that weren't at all... i'm ashamed of it.
but you know i'm happy that i can admit my faults now. a lot of people still can't do that. i'm happy i can look back and say "i was stupid but at least i learned." a lot of people can't do that either.
i'm well aware of the fact that life is this way. i don't want pity for anything that happens in my life anymore. i mean, i may want someone to listen once in awhile, but i don't want them to feel bad for me. theres's a difference. trust me, no one wants to feel bad for anybody that is asking for someone to feel bad for them.
but i guess, all and all after this rant... my point is that...
in my old age, i have come to discover that life is just too damn short. cliched as it may be, it's absolutely true. we spend too much time worrying about things that don't matter, and too little time caring about people that matter more than we know.
and in an instance, your life as you know it can be taken away from you. remember that. we have no contracts. we have no guarantees.
now do you want it to be too late when you realize that?
because you can start to realize it right now.
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ok. wow. see i am trying to get in the habit of not being a bitch and not making a big deal out of the bad things that happen to me. i think you are right that they don't matter in the long run, but i can't help it. i mean i stick up for other people in situations that are completely and totally none of my business. its a problem i have. it causes me much unneeded stress. but like you said there are no guarantees in life and i live everyday like its my last. i really do. i act as randomly and as insanly as i can with whatever situation is in front of me. and i have this fantasy where i'm going to save the world...kinda scary huh? i just go with it most of the time, since i know its going to take waaaaaaaaaaaay too much effort to stop myself (although, like i said i do try). i just feel like people walk all over me, and anyone else they can take advantage of, and i'm fucking sick of it. but it keeps happeneing so i can't really say that standing up for yourself helps. the simple answer to my long and obnoxious post, the answer to all my questions, the solution to all my problems, can really be resolved in those 3 little words: MEN ARE ASSHOLES.
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