chapter six

if you know me or even if you just check out this page every once in awhile, i'm about to tell you something you already know: i don't do real well with change.

and i was thinking about this today because it's not like changes in my life just sort of sneak up on me--i am so aware that they are coming at all times, and i act and think according to these psuedo deadlines that i know, are going to really throw me off for awhile...

it never seems real. it always seems like you can hang on. for a little longer.

i always think of that line at the end of ferris bueller

"life moves pretty fast--if you don't stop to look around once in awhile, you could miss it. "

exaggeration maybe, but not rediculously. it takes a long time to pick up and move on when familiarities vanish and priorities change. it's really hard to understand.

thus far in my life, i think of change in terms of either geographically moving or moving on to a new part of school (graduating 8th grade, graduating high school, and now, college). and it's strange because at the end of each of these so called, "chapters" of my life, i always see no hope. i always think the best part has ended.

and it's because it's all relative, we live in the here and now, we feel whats true now, we hold on to what we have, we are absolutely scared of moving forward...

but although in each of those scenerios (moving to chicago, transfering schools, going to high school, going away to college...) i have found that, each new chapter really exceeded the previous ones. so all in all, while i thought something was ending, something more important was really beginning.

so i can't help but be sad of course, when i pack my bags in a few weeks here and wave off a really significant part of my life, being here at school, knowing that, once i step foot off of this campus this december, it really never will be the same... and i think about this, but then, i force myself to think about the fact that, yes, i'm leaving a lot when i leave here, but i have gained so much more. i have so much more love in my life, so much more happiness, so much more greatness from the people that i know, so many new lessons, so much more strength, among other things, that i didn't have when i came here as an 18 year old.

and like i said, so far, each chapter has gotten better...

whos to say that pattern won't continue? i think it will.

the least important thing i am leaving purdue with is a degree, in my opinion. i have formed a strong understanding of the person that i have become, and i have grown to love that person. i have linked myself with people that i undoubtedly know i met for a reason in my lifetime, i will have these things forever...

it's almost wrong to sit around and pity myself for the fact that i have to leave--

because, i am leaving with so much more than i came with...