Tuesday, August 23, 2016

big day

i have not written on this blog in forever, but tonight i felt like i should.

my dad is having his 2nd of the major surgeries tomorrow. i'm up because i'm worried. i know that it will go well and i know that he's in great hands (between my mom and his amazing urologist) but i'm still scared. he's just one of my favorite people and i don't want anything to happen to him.

i realize the contradiction in this -- the whole point of this surgery is SO that nothing happens to him. it's to defeat cancer. but i will be honest with you, as the daughter of this man, it scares me.

i don't tell him that. i don't tell my mom that. until tonight, i didn't even tell my husband that. i realized that i hold it together to believe that it will be okay, when really i have been scared since the diagnosis. i stay positive to believe that the results will be positive... but for some reason today when my mom texted me the surgery time, i immediately got terrified.

it doesn't make sense. i've known this was the surgery date for a few weeks now. the time set me off. it made it "real."

in another unrelated (or perhaps somewhat related) deal i read an article today that literally encompasses everything i've learned about friendships that last.

i don't think anyone even reads this blog, i even forget about it, but i want to save it. it literally encompasses everything i believe to be true about friendship.

dad goes into surgery at 7:30 tomorrow, and i can be there around 3:00. i can't wait for him to be able to move past all of this. it's truly my main concern. 

it has been hard for me and my mom (and i'm sure brother) to watch his positivity, his demeanor change. it's been scary and hard, and i just want to close this chapter for him so that he can move forward with his life. 

to make this full circle - life is truly short. don't waste time on anyone who doesn't care about you. that is the gist of the article and more blunt but it's absolutely, 100% true. 

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