i haven't slept well since monday, since my dad got the news. last night i was crying in bed and just doing my best to explain to Scott how life isn't fair.
i've been thinking about the parallels of life a lot, and the circle of life as well. all i can say at the end of all of this thinking is that i wish i could do more. i feel so completely helpless at this point, and there is no one i would rather help more in this world.
as for the parallels, i've given so much thought as to what my parents have given to me in life. first of all, life itself. i'm lucky to even have them as my parents. chance isn't always a perfect thing but i can't think of anything more perfect than my parents being my parents and i am so grateful for that every day.
beyond the obvious, they've taught me patience. grace. love. acceptance. i can't imagine my life any differently. sometimes when i think about my mother not being able to have children biologically, it baffles me. she is a born to be mother. at the same time, i do believe this was all, meant to be. i can't imagine my family any differently and i feel fortunate to have landed where i landed, if that makes sense. my mother is the most giving woman i have ever met. if i become half of the mom that she has been throughout my entire life, i'd be honored.
and my dad, well, i can't say enough about him. i think he's the reason i didn't cut myself short, ever, because i had a positive male influence in my life. i think he's my rock. he's what i have when i have nothing else. on a hard day, i have my dad. rough interview, my dad will lift my spirits.
i don't know what else i can say to explain how blessed i am. and perhaps it takes hard times to realize it, but i'm so lucky to have it all of the time.
i love you mom and dad, and i know you both very well. and i know that you'll get through this.