life is good. so excited for summer in the city. it's my favorite time of year, when i can sleep with my windows open and turn the heat off, but i don't need A/C yet. the city just comes alive when it gets warm outside. it's one of my favorite things about living somewhere with four seasons--the warmth is just so appreciated when it comes. i swear, the first day the sun is out people are in flip flops and crowding any restaurant or bar with patios. the sidewalks get crowded again and everyone just seems to kind of come out of this winter hibernation or what have you. i guess you don't have much of a choice when you live in chicago--it's hard to get really excited to get outside and do something when it's like a -20 windchill. so, needless to say, i'm ready for spring. and i think everyone here is!
just wrapping up my spring classes, 2 more weeks! i'm taking 3 this summer which is going to be a lot, but i figured out that i can either then a) graduate in november (if i take 3 in the fall) or graduate in february if i decide to take my capstone class alone. we'll see, it will just depend. anyways, so exciting! the end is in sight! i can't wait to be done with my masters, it's been so much work, but i've loved it and i've learned a lot. it's still nice to know that i won't be in school forever though. for awhile it seemed that way!
it was my dad's birthday this past weekend. i can not believe my parents are 59. i guess i realized it, but it just seemed so weird to hear it... i just remember when i thought that was so old! and now that my parents are almost 60, it doesn't seem that old anymore. i know i shouldn't think about it, but i can't help but get sad about them getting older. i know it's more important to focus on the here and now, but still. anyways, spent some time with my family this past weekend--which is always very relaxing. i love being home. i also got to hang out with annie and aj and ava so that was great. all of my favorites in a weekend.
so, my brother moved back home. kind of weird. he hasn't lived at home since he was 18, and he's 30 now, so i think it's a pretty big adjustment for both my parents and my brother. it will be interesting! it was kind of hard to be home and watching him move in because we're just so different. it ended up upsetting me because i just think he takes the niceness of my parents to an extreme and takes advantage of them. i got really upset about it--almost like he's taking over their house. usually i don't want to leave my parents house, i couldn't wait to get back home. it's kind of been off my mind since then.
my car left chicago last night :-/ haha. my dad came to get it because i was in an accident a few months ago with this lady that was drunk and it's taking forever for her charges to go through and therefore get my car fixed. plus, i really don't use my car and it was costing a fortune to keep in the city for something i don't use. so, now it's in my parents garage. it will be an adjustment when it comes to grocery shopping and stuff like that, but i'll live. i'm just used to having it! at least i know it's safe... i've never really had to be 100% city girl as far as carrying groceries for blocks and taking public transportation everywhere, but i'm learning as i go... maybe i'll be a pro soon! i've gotten good at taking the bus to the train to get to my parents house... haha, it's a start.
i'm still loving my apartment. i don't think i'm going to move this october. i kind of thought maybe i should try a new area when my lease was up in october, but, i don't know. i'm so comfortable here. i like my building. i don't want to go through moving again. plus, i basically bought my things to fit in this apartment and it just feels so much like home now. i don't know if i can leave just yet... :) we'll see, few months to decide. i do love it here though. and i love my neighborhood. and i love being so close to school!
i have to say, things have been pretty good the past month or so. i can't complain. i've been a lot happier and i think it's because i found peace of mind in the fact that i can't count on other people to make me happy. i tend to do that. i need to do what's best for me. and sometimes that means that i have to let things go that i don't want to let go. all of the things with dean, they were tough, they still are. there are things that remind me of him all over this city. there are songs that remind me of him crowding my playlist. but it takes time and i know that. and i know that i will be just fine and that i deserve someone that is going to ask how my day is. and someone who isn't going to be who i wish they were, but is going to be exactly who they are.
there's a great song by kate voegele called "wish you were." and i love this one line in it...
"cause i've seen your act and i know all the facts,
i'm still in love with who i wish you were."
that's kind of how it is. i do miss him, i won't lie. but it's who i wish he was. not who i (unfortunately) found out that he was. nothing's perfect and i know that. the worst part is, at the end of that song, it says the same line, but then ends with
"i'm still in love with who i wish you were,
i wish you were here..."
and i have to admit, there are days and nights that i do wish that he was here. i had a dream a few days ago that we were just hanging out in my place, like we used to when he'd come to visit, and the weirdest thing is... the part i remember most is this really big hug he gave me in my kitchen in the dream. i woke up and i felt like i had just seen him. i do miss that stuff, we had a lot of fun together.
it will take time but i'm a strong girl with way too much confidence to let this bring me down anymore. it's getting better all the time... and waking up to a sunny day certainly helps things.
until next time :) happy spring.
1 comment:
YAY!! Good Blog Stranger :-) Glad you are doing so well and that you are finally going to get some nice weather!
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