wait out the days

i know i've said this before but i'm going to say it again anyways. because it's something i really feel, and really believe in. it's rare in life, in my life anyways, that i feel someone i have a real connection with.

someone you can talk to for hours. someone who knows you. likes you. doesn't want you to be any different. someone who wants to go somewhere a little bit quieter to talk. someone who wants to catch the sunset. would go out of their way in life to make sure that you never got hurt and were having a good time. who has the same amount of fun sitting in the grass talking about life or having a couple of beers somewhere... who you can tell genuinely cares about you. and you can tell because you can feel it. it's past words. it's way past sciences of any sort. you can actually feel it. and it feels like home.

i don't know a lot of people like that. i really don't.

it's like there's always something in the way. not enough depth. too much insecurity. too many twisted priorities. but when you know that you have that connection with someone, it's always there.

and it always happens to me that just when i realize how much i care about someone, or maybe not realize it but rather remember it, then they have to go away. just when you remember how good it feels, its over. so you're stuck with the same old sad love songs and overused cliches about how life goes on, and you know there's nothing you can do other than to let time do it's magic, by gradually and graciously reminding you that it's not the end of the world, and you're going to be ok. this too shall pass.

but now, for awhile, you're a little less whole. your house is a little more lonely. your car seems to be lacking conversation, and your bed just feels a little empty.

and for awhile, it always happens this way, these little instances, like shadows, they follow you. and i mean, they're good... like shadows of good times, and reminders of places you've been and things you've talked about. a song you heard, a road you drove down, a color you maybe wore, but for awhile, they just don't leave you alone. and everywhere you go, you're reminded that you're really missing something that's a part of you all of the time, everywhere you go. you're never 100% anymore.

it's so damn hard.

"I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand & the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep & there are no words for that."