could you tell me why you're leaving

when you disappear on me
it's just like parades in the rain
and everytime i see you
you just disappear again

every time you're leaving...
i don't know what to say
i wanna see this whole town go away

so could you tell me why you're leaving
cause i don't know why it has to be so
could you tell me why you're leaving
cause i don't know i don't know i don't know

all these ending love songs come into my eyes
but every time i see you i'm alive.
i'm alive.

so could you tell me why you're leaving?
cause i don't know why it has to be so.
could you tell me why you're leaving
cause i don't know i don't know
i don't know...

wait out the days

i know i've said this before but i'm going to say it again anyways. because it's something i really feel, and really believe in. it's rare in life, in my life anyways, that i feel someone i have a real connection with.

someone you can talk to for hours. someone who knows you. likes you. doesn't want you to be any different. someone who wants to go somewhere a little bit quieter to talk. someone who wants to catch the sunset. would go out of their way in life to make sure that you never got hurt and were having a good time. who has the same amount of fun sitting in the grass talking about life or having a couple of beers somewhere... who you can tell genuinely cares about you. and you can tell because you can feel it. it's past words. it's way past sciences of any sort. you can actually feel it. and it feels like home.

i don't know a lot of people like that. i really don't.

it's like there's always something in the way. not enough depth. too much insecurity. too many twisted priorities. but when you know that you have that connection with someone, it's always there.

and it always happens to me that just when i realize how much i care about someone, or maybe not realize it but rather remember it, then they have to go away. just when you remember how good it feels, its over. so you're stuck with the same old sad love songs and overused cliches about how life goes on, and you know there's nothing you can do other than to let time do it's magic, by gradually and graciously reminding you that it's not the end of the world, and you're going to be ok. this too shall pass.

but now, for awhile, you're a little less whole. your house is a little more lonely. your car seems to be lacking conversation, and your bed just feels a little empty.

and for awhile, it always happens this way, these little instances, like shadows, they follow you. and i mean, they're good... like shadows of good times, and reminders of places you've been and things you've talked about. a song you heard, a road you drove down, a color you maybe wore, but for awhile, they just don't leave you alone. and everywhere you go, you're reminded that you're really missing something that's a part of you all of the time, everywhere you go. you're never 100% anymore.

it's so damn hard.

"I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand & the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep & there are no words for that."

hanging on

if it means anything, i'm glad i met you. if for nothing else, than to provide some sort of inner glimmer of hope inside of myself, something that tells me that people like you exist. something that reminds me what it's like when someone cared for you at one point and how good that feels. something that keeps love alive. at least for me.

and maybe it means i'll keep those hours we spent together too close. maybe it means i'll hold on to them too long--whos to say? but it makes me whole. it's something i'll never be able to explain to anyone else, because it's just that deep inside of me. but really, it makes each song a little better, each bad day a little lighter, and each minute a little less lonely... so i don't mind.

___
Lastly...

"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to." - Marilyn Ferguson

from two great songs

this afternoon with you felt something like a letter
the kind that someone writes but never sends
and when you're good to me
it makes me blue because someday it's gonna end.
-Ryan Adams, Friends

it hasn't felt like this before
it hasn't felt like home before you
and i know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
and i miss you more than i should, than i thought i could
i can't get my mind off you
and i hate the phone
but i wish you'd call...
-Joshua Radin, The Fear You Won't Fall