i have been thinking about someone every day for five years. i'm not tired of it. that's the worst part. i go back to old journals, pictures, letters, and i'm right back in that time. it is refreshing, but unfair.
i hate this. that you can be thinking about someone across the country for this long, and know that they've kind of forgotten about you. they're living their life happily somewhere else... and you're at home...missing them.
i miss the closeness. the conversations. and i'm sorry if that sounds corny, but i actually miss those things the most. i'm kicking myself for never saying things i should have said, and doing things that i shouldn't have done. i miss that time in my life. i'd do almost anything to go back and make changes. i could have done something. and maybe it wouldn't have mattered--but at least i'd know now. and i wouldn't be thinking so much about it and mentally exhausting myself over things i really have no control over.
i still love him...
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I have read a few of your blog entries, they are so honest and i really connect with them, however, I sense you're broken, still in love with someone. Please, if you have not already. Tell this man how you feel. push past your inhibitions. (As you've said before -this is one of the hardest things to do, to be so honest). if we could all do this and tell those we love the truth, face those fears - we could experience so much good, of course the bad also. but we could benefit from the bad, i feel that in those times of hardship and pain you learn the most. You can't gain without that pain. I just feel like if you don't do something about this love you feel, if you don't express these feelings and let go of them. you simply won't be able to break past these feelings and move on.
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