so this is christmas

my parents and i went downtown last night to see A Christmas Carol at the goodman theatre... it's been a few years since we've done that. we used to go every year. but this year, as an adult it just meant that much more to me. i think my family is more important now and i've grown up a lot in the past 5 or so years. still every year i forget what christmas is about. i mean, i always know, but i'll have little glimpses of forgetfulness where i'll catch myself making a detailed list of things i want... but really it's much more about spreading joy and being with your family. and just, once a year, remembering what's important.

i love that play. it really puts things in perspective.

merry christmas.
remember what's important to you.

100 things about amy j

(thanks for the idea yerga)

1. i consider my bed to be a good investment.

2. i lived in texas for almost 10 years.

3. i was devastated when we moved.

4. for five years i hung every letter my best friend gave me on my wall--it took up a whole wall.

5. i went to private schools for 13 years.

6. although i'm not super religious, i'm very defensive of being catholic because of the way i was raised and schooled.

7. i don't think i'll be able to afford naperville when i'm older.

8. i am in love with my job.

9. i ended up doing something totally different than i ever thought i'd be doing, but i love learning and that's exactly what i'm doing.

10. i really look up to my boss.

11. i really look up to my parents.

12. i was adopted at birth and i really never think about it.

13. i feel completely part of my family.

14. i can't imagine my life any differently.

15. i did not care about where i applied to college.

16. i did not care which college i picked.

17. my parents have always cared way more where i went to school than i have.

18. i would have gone to naperville north if it wouldn't have disappointed my parents.

19. i'm really glad i picked purdue.

20. my best friend talked me into rushing a sorority.

21. before this i thought they were fake and i wanted nothing to do with them.

22. those sorority girls are now my best friends.

23. my dad always told me my friends for life would be my friends from college.

24. i didn't believe him.

25. he was right.

26. i have an extremely competitive personality.

27. if i could change one thing about myself, that would probably be it.

28. i really want to give back to society someday.

29. i don't know why i don't do something about it right now.

30. i have a really hard time letting go of things.

31. as with 30, i have a really tough time with change.

32. i'm disappointed easily.

33. i'm hurt even more easily.

34. i act a lot tougher than i am.

35. i'm sincerely scared i am not going to get married.

36. i cried about this once at jakes (i was drunk).

37. i want to apply to graduate school REALLY bad, but i can't seem to get my act together.

38. i take a lot of pictures.

39. i really only like black and white pictures.

40. but i still get mine developed in color most of the time.

41. my favorite color lately is green.

42. i think this is due to its absense in the rest of my life.

43. i think i was really cute in kindergarten.

44. i have owned two cars and they are/were both red.

45. i used to hate red cards.

46. i love love love love love love music.

47. i can not imagine my life, a bad day, driving, any aspect of life without music.

48. my favorite movies are good will hunting, meet joe black, dead poets society, love actually, serendipity, and finding neverland.

49. i hope to be like morrie when i'm old and sick.

50. i consider myself an optimist but i think i may actually be a pessimist.

51. i really want to go to italy.

52. i am terrified of alligators.

53. i used to be terrified of rollercoasters.

54. one time my parents went on the ghost tour of the Queen Mary in california and i screamed and interrupted the tour. oops.

55. all of my friends are starting not to use AIM--i consider this us "getting old."

56. i wish i had the patience to learn more about web design. i really like it.

57. i miss my dog every day.

58. the only thing i miss about california is the memories.

59. i wonder where i will be in ten years and i have no idea.

60. i'd like to read more than i do.

61. i love to write anything and everything.

62. i love the power of words.

63. that is one of the main reasons i love music.

64. one of my teachers at purdhe changed my life and he has no idea.

65. i always thought about telling him.

66. but i was way too scared.

67. in high school i thought the same thing of a teacher, but i told him.

68. i was getting a bad grade in his class but i wanted him to know that i tried.

69. he was really touched when i told him.

70. there are two things i want to do at some point in my life: make greeting cards or work for a greeting card company, and get published as an author.

71. if i do those two things, i will be really proud.

72. i owe my parents a lot of money that they would never let me pay them back.

73. i always wonder if i'll be unselfish enough to do the same someday for my kids.

74. i like shopping for other people more than i like shopping for myself.

75. i never in a million years thought i'd work in a hospital.

76. there are a lot of people that i wish i'd gotten to know in college, and in life.

77. i can not believe i am 24 years old.

78. people keep telling me that's young.

79. i think it's really, really old.

80. i think i am running out of time to get all of these things done.

81. i wrote a list when i was in 8th grade, 100 things i wanted to do before i died.

82. i wish i knew where it was so i could start crossing things off.

83. i tell my parents everything.

84. i treat them like they are my friends.

85. i think david letterman is hot.

86. not for an old guy, for any guy.

87. i love everything that tom hanks is in.

88. i think i am over dave matthews band.

89. i never thought i'd say that!

90. i could make a list right now of everyone i will know for the rest of my life.

91. it would be right on target.

92. Target is my favorite store.

93. i like shopping for stationary and candles better than clothes.

94. i like clothes too, just not as much.

95. i hate cold weather and snow except on christmas.

96. in texas we used to swim on christmas.

97. i don't really like carpet.

98. i get stressed out when people aren't down to earth.

99. i get stressed out way too easily.

100. i know better, but life can be tough to plan.

sunday morning, rain is falling

i have been thinking about someone every day for five years. i'm not tired of it. that's the worst part. i go back to old journals, pictures, letters, and i'm right back in that time. it is refreshing, but unfair.

i hate this. that you can be thinking about someone across the country for this long, and know that they've kind of forgotten about you. they're living their life happily somewhere else... and you're at home...missing them.

i miss the closeness. the conversations. and i'm sorry if that sounds corny, but i actually miss those things the most. i'm kicking myself for never saying things i should have said, and doing things that i shouldn't have done. i miss that time in my life. i'd do almost anything to go back and make changes. i could have done something. and maybe it wouldn't have mattered--but at least i'd know now. and i wouldn't be thinking so much about it and mentally exhausting myself over things i really have no control over.

i still love him...