may scrambled spells amy

i've been thinking about getting older, how much life has already changed, how much it will continue to change. i heard today on the radio that 100 years ago in 1905, there were only 1,000 cars in the world. can you imagine 2105? it kind of blows my mind. but that's not really what i mean. not those kind of changes, at least. it's weird how the adult in you asks those kinds of questions. i never thought i'd have an adult in me. ha.

i've been working a lot- but i don't want to talk about work, you know? you spend 40 hours a week somewhere, that's enough. don't bring it home. don't bring it to dinner. don't bring it to the bar. that's just how i feel. i think there's so much more to talk about than work and how busy everyone is. instead, let's talk about how we used to prank call people, how we used to cross the train tracks and climb a hill to smoke cigarettes. let's talk about what we'll be doing in ten years. i don't want to talk about work. i am more than my job, you know?

and i guess it just scares me because the conversations are all getting to be so structured. with everyone. and i think about this and i'm like okay, life only gets busier right? i mean, the free time is kind of over. so if i'm talking this way too much already, wonder what on earth the conversation will be in a few years. i'm just kinda tired of the substance talk. let's talk, let's have a beer, let's have a good time. let's leave work in the office, you know? life's too short.

but i don't mean to sound so negative. things have been for the most part, good. i feel busy but it feels good. i could do without being tired all the time... but other than that i feel good. i got to spend a lot of time with the family this weekend, see people i never see and stuff. i find i'm starting to appreciate extended family more and more. it's really something else the way everyone can pull together in a spilt second if it's needed. it's really reassuring. i'm starting to look at my grandpa and my great aunts and uncles and realize what long, amazing lives they all lived. all different, but in their own way great. it's so inspiring. it's strange sometimes i feel like i have lived so long and my path is set and all of that, and then i see an 80 year old wise, accomplished man and i realize i'm only at a stepping stone.