Thursday, December 23, 2004

goodbye purdue, hello adulthood

kinda freaks me out to think about this but 48 hours ago from right now, this very minute, i was just hanging out with janna and lindsey, enjoying what we all silently knew was, our last day on campus...

weird, it feels like it was a lot longer than that ago. and i actually thought it would feel a lot more surreal than it did, but this time, it actually felt real.

we were leaving. we had to go.

and maybe it had something to do with the fact that lisa had already left and we'd already said goodbye to her, or maybe it had to do with the couch being gone, our dressers being empty, our beds being bare... i'm not sure where to place the blame. but either way, that night, it felt completely real that we had to go.

i was sad all night but i really didn't cry. i think it's because i was so sad that i couldn't feel it, that's my guess. the next day though, was when it hit me. all along i sort of knew that would be the case, that it would be when i actually had to pull out of that parking lot, pass the union for the last time, drive past the bookstores, past the bars, knowing that the next time i see all of these things that feel so incredibly like home to me, they will no longer be home.

and that's exactly what happened- i was the last to leave the apartment and with everyones keys in my hand, i grabbed the last bundle of my stuff, walked halfway out the door, and paused to turn around and glance at this now empty apartment, a place with four months of memories that had suddenly become bare, and i sort of silently said goodbye and i walked out... in the car, i lost it.

and pretty much the entire way to state road 65 i wasn't exactly stable. i knew that the minute i ramped onto that highway, the next stage of my life had begun and i couldn't turn back. and that was scary. and the ride was long, and tough, because every song in some way reminded me of school and friends, and this lifestyle i had learned to absolutely love, and meanwhile i'm heading home for good sort of watching those things in my rearview...

but, that's that. and i'm home. and i said goodbye to college, and i know it's time to move on. so i unpacked, still trying to get my room situated although it's kinda hard, trying to get reaquainted with home, trying to find a job, and trying really hard to accept adulthood.

thanks purdue for the memories
if i had to do it all again,
i'd do it exactly the same.

Monday, December 13, 2004

wrapping up and then wrapping presents

gosh, it's so crazy. three tests this week and a paper and i'm officially finished with my degree. to be honest, i thought i would be a lot more sad than i am right now and i honestly think the reason i'm not is because it doesn't feel real

it just feels like another christmas break

graduations always seem so far in the future, you never really think about it until it's happening... on the way to school my dad told me that he cried his whole way home from college and went on to tell me about his reunions, and how, he always expected to go back and have things stay exactly the same but they never did... and he coined the phrase:

you know it's sad, the college is a big part of you
but you're not really a big part of it

and although true that made me really sad. i mean the college just keeps going. purdue will just keep accepting freshmen and continuing academic life as usual, it really doesn't hold on to us much once we go.

which feels so weird because right now at this very moment purdue feels like it's ours. like we've been here 4 1/2 years, we know this place inside out, and everywhere you go you see someone you know...

but the reality of it is that once we leave campus, we kinda let that part go.

and i guess part of me is ready, i mean i don't know what else i could have really done to enjoy my time here. i've definitely had a blast and that's just it, i've had my time here. i've had it. it's someone elses turn.

so of course, it's going to be hard to leave here, but for whatever reason, i just don't feel it yet.

but on a positive note, while my dad said that school is never the same once you leave, he did say that when you're with the people you went to school with, even at 55 years old, you're right back where you were when you were 21. that part doesn't change at all.