the way i see it

it's been awhile, i know! my writing has lacked inspiration lately, i suppose, and i really attribute that to the fact that things have been exceptionally well in my life lately. i read my christmas blog from last year the other day, and i realized how much i need to start writing again. i love that i have moments documented, so i need to keep that up.

So what's new? well... the best thing is that dean came back into my life. i mean he was always in it, but he came back completely. we spent a day together back in october, and we had so much fun. it was more natural than i can explain. i was watching sleepless in seattle the other night and they kept talking about how they felt "magic." and thats how they knew. i can honestly say i felt that. sounds cheesy, i know, but we talked all night, and finally, it felt like home.

i've been scared to trust boys since my last incident. in fact, for awhile i thought i wanted to pursue my education and my career and not even worry about any of that other stuff for awhile. but my opinion has changed.

we click. thats the best way to explain it. we just absolutely click. it's to the point that i can predict what he says sometimes, and vice versa. and we just get each other. i don't know if i've ever had that with someone as much as i have it with him.

i feel weird publically posting this, i guess. but a lot of people don't check my blog and i always need to write things down... so, either way, this is how i work. i like to remember great moments... so, if that takes writing them down, so be it.

i always think about my grandma lanie (dad's mom). she was on her death bed, literally, so out of it and she said to me "i want you to have my diaries, and i want you to be a writer. never give that up." and i don't want to. for her, and for me.

anyways, dean came back a month later to visit me. it meant the world to me that he came, and not only that, but we spent 5 days together that just felt so normal. and beyond normal even. natural. we had so much fun together, and we really didn't do much at all... if it makes sense, doing nothing at all and having fun seems so much more impressionable than doing a lot and not feeling anything. i loved our time together. it was great.

he is coming back to visit me over the new year, and i can't think of a better way to bring in the new year. it's been a little bit of a rough year for me: heartbreaks, losing my job, being completely stressed by having no freetime for awhile... i can't think of any better way to start the new year with someone i sincerely care about.

really, i believe in fate. it sounds a little generic, i guess. life is crazy though. i mean, we've known each other forever, and neither of us would have predicted that this would happen... but it's really changing my life. actually, it's turned my perspective on things upside down. i used to be one of those independent girls that thought, i'll be fine on my own, etc. but, you meet someone and that changes in you... and if it's not forever, well, okay. but right now i can honestly say it feels like forever. i'm a very happy girl.

i told him he makes me feel like the only girl in the room. and thats so true. and i guess that's all i ever really wanted. i don't need to be the center of attention. in fact i don't WANT to be the center of attention. but i love that i'm his center of attention, if that makes sense. the best thing about it is that everything about us just feels like home. like sitting at my parents house at christmas. that kind of home. let loose in your pajamas kind of home. so, anyways, enough lovey dovey talk :) . but, i'm incredibly lucky that i met someone that adores me as much as i adore him.

i think it's going to be a great year.
:)

merry christmas, everyone.