you can only change yourself

a lot of times, and all too often, i find myself wanting to change things for people. let me try to explain. if someone i'm close to, or even someone i just know or knew, is living a dishonest life, or just living with something i couldn't... i think about it all the time. how could they do that? how do they face themselves? well it was just recently that it occured to me--why do i care? what good is it going to do? and, i knew this all along, but i guess it just set in that although everything may seem okay with them on the outside, you have to face yourself at the end of the day right? and chances are if you're doing something in your life that you don't want other people to know about--it's not easy to face yourself. i can't imagine how hard it would be to disapprove of your own lifestyle, but be stuck and unable to change it. so hard. anyways, just some ramblings. things i stumbled upon.

life's been ok for me. i've been working and that's about it--but that's okay with me at this point. i see my friends occasionally. i'm up for doing something every day, so if someone offers, you can assume i'm there. the job is great. still working on graduate school. i need to prepare for a test, and i haven't studied in a year. i'm not really excited about that at all. but hey, when it's done, it's done.

i booked a flight to see anne in NY in march, and to visit lindsey in LA in may. i'm excited. i needed things to look forward to, and things to spend my vacation time on, so i'm not just taking off days and sitting at home--feels too unproductive these days. i don't enjoy inactivity anymore. but anyways, so these trips were the perfect solution to both problems. and it will of course, be good to see my friends. i miss them very much.

but that's about it. pretty sure i am moving in with anne pretty soon when aj gets deployed again. probably in naperville for about a year. that's the plan for now anyways... sounds good to me. :)